Wisconsin Republicans Pass Anti-LGBTQ Bill that Designates Colby as the Official State Cheese.....

Madison, WI - Republican state lawmakers in Wisconsin have passed a controversial new bill that will require school administrators to notify parents if their child has been exposed to homosexuality or gender nonconformity, and it designates Colby as the official state cheese.

A high school choir and likely source of several parent notifications if AB 1552 is signed into law, shown here promoting Colby cheese at the state capital,  

"Assembly Bill 1552 establishes a protocol for what to do when a student turns gay or questions his or her gender during the school year," state representative Donna Rozar, the bill's sponsor, explained. "And it also recognizes the contributions that Colby cheese has made to Wisconsin ever since being dreamed up in 1885 by a 16-year-old boy working in his father's cheese factory." 

Critics of the legislation are saying it will increase stigma faced by LGBTQ children and increase their risk of adverse mental health outcomes. Rozar is pushing back against these concerns, claiming that the bill is designed to give parents more authority. "Parents of children who have come into contact with one of these poor confused students will receive a letter of notification so that they can make an informed choice about how to handle the situation with their own child, perhaps with preemptive conversion therapy just to be safe. And who doesn't support a cheese that is moister, creamier, and milder than English cheddar that was developed right here in our great state." 

The new bill, which is likely to be vetoed by Governor Tony Evers, who probably prefers socialist cheeses like Monterey Jack or Gouda, is meant to reassure Wisconsin parents that their beliefs are being respected. According to Rozar, who supports designating Colby as the Wisconsin state cheese because of its sweeter taste, easier slicing, and reassuring heterosexuality, is also an outspoken proponent of family values. "Students are sometimes exposed to things at a young age in an attempt to undermine a family's belief system and that interferes with what parents are trying to teach their children. This bill is about transparency, and also how Colby really is the ultimate cheese and something that all people of Wisconsin can rally behind."