Big Water, Utah-The reported discovery of a new planet, which astronomers believe will be confirmed in a matter of days, has led the astrological community to come together today in the largest gathering of astrological scientists in history for some intense debate on how the science of forecasting the future will be changed.
A number of astrologers are convinced that a new celestial body will, based upon their scientific calculations and measurements, forever alter the way forecasting future events is done. "A new planet changes everything,"American astrologer Clancy Simmons explained. "Before the existence of this new planet was known I might have predicted that a Libra born on October 5th, 1976 might face an obstacle or make a new friend. Now I can accurately say that the person will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. That's how science works. The process is refined as new information comes in."
Not all astrologers support Mr. Simmon's stance. Dr. Joseph Conway, Hollywood Astrologer and pawn shop owner, is one of them. "I make my predictions based on the movements and locations of the stars so a new planet really doesn't effect what I do. Regardless of how many planets there are, if Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia is out you should probably just stay at home."
Showing posts with label Science. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Science. Show all posts
Friday, October 5, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Willing Suspension of Disbelief Threatened by Product Placement.....
Cranston, RI-Moviegoer Bort Hickson came dangerously close to disbelief today when a blatant product placement was inserted into the film "Who's Your Caddy?".
"There I was, enjoying the wacky antics of "street-smart" rapper C-Note and his band of jolly companions as they took part in a zany prankfest with the uptight "whiteys" of the Carolina Pines Country Club, when it happened," Mr. Hickson explained. "The minute that Dread, a hilarious member of C-Note's crew, sat down next to a soft drink bottle that was perfectly positioned for my recognition, I experience a fleeting moment where it seemed that perhaps the events taking place in this documentary were somehow fabricated, that the whole affair was in reality just a group of paid entertainers performing memorized lines."
Clinical psychologist Logan Eversby understands how close calls such as this can happen. "Modern science has actually removed much of the mystery from this phenomenon. When you see a familar product during a documentary like "Who's Your Caddy?", or "SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2" for example, our brains can be fooled into thinking that the events on screen exist in a make-believe world created for the enjoyment of the moviegoer. Think of it as a short circuit of sorts. Sadly, despite all of my expertise in this area I have yet to figure out how they know where to set the cameras up in order to catch all the exciting stuff that happens."
"There I was, enjoying the wacky antics of "street-smart" rapper C-Note and his band of jolly companions as they took part in a zany prankfest with the uptight "whiteys" of the Carolina Pines Country Club, when it happened," Mr. Hickson explained. "The minute that Dread, a hilarious member of C-Note's crew, sat down next to a soft drink bottle that was perfectly positioned for my recognition, I experience a fleeting moment where it seemed that perhaps the events taking place in this documentary were somehow fabricated, that the whole affair was in reality just a group of paid entertainers performing memorized lines."
Clinical psychologist Logan Eversby understands how close calls such as this can happen. "Modern science has actually removed much of the mystery from this phenomenon. When you see a familar product during a documentary like "Who's Your Caddy?", or "SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2" for example, our brains can be fooled into thinking that the events on screen exist in a make-believe world created for the enjoyment of the moviegoer. Think of it as a short circuit of sorts. Sadly, despite all of my expertise in this area I have yet to figure out how they know where to set the cameras up in order to catch all the exciting stuff that happens."
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Homeopathic Study Questions Established Science, Doctors Stumped.....
Hartford, CT-A groundbreaking study on the effectiveness of homeopathic remedies on a variety of illnesses was published today, and calls into question over a hundred years of medical progress and the scientific method in general.
The study, consisting of a telephone survey of patients of registered homeopaths across the nation, asked such probing questions as "How Wonderful is Homeopathy? 1. A little wonderful 2. A lot wonderful 3. Extremely wonderful." It was published in the Scientific Journal of Homeopathic Science, a peer reviewed journal.
The latest in a string of high profile studies proving the effectiveness of a variety of alternative therapies, such as the use of Aromatherapy for Prolonged QT Syndrome and Rolfing for Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Type III, the study has sent the medical community into a tailspin. Emperor Maximus VII, current supreme ruler over the American Medical Association and the Pharmaceutical Industry has already initiated damage control measures.
In a press conference held today at Skull Island, the secret international headquarters of the medical establishment, Maximus VII announced that "We've been concerned about the mounting evidence supporting the legitimacy of non-conventional therapies such as Therapeutic Touch and Prayer in the treatment of pretty much every possible illness so a contingency plan to deal with a study such as this has been in place for a while."
Maximus went on to reveal that starting today conventional medical doctors will be pulling out of the healthcare business in order to focus purely on more lucrative endeavors. "The chiropractors, faith healers and quantum healers pretty much have things under control now so we are going to put all our efforts on providing quality pharmaceutical options for flaccid bald men and wrinkled soccer moms."
The study, consisting of a telephone survey of patients of registered homeopaths across the nation, asked such probing questions as "How Wonderful is Homeopathy? 1. A little wonderful 2. A lot wonderful 3. Extremely wonderful." It was published in the Scientific Journal of Homeopathic Science, a peer reviewed journal.
The latest in a string of high profile studies proving the effectiveness of a variety of alternative therapies, such as the use of Aromatherapy for Prolonged QT Syndrome and Rolfing for Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Type III, the study has sent the medical community into a tailspin. Emperor Maximus VII, current supreme ruler over the American Medical Association and the Pharmaceutical Industry has already initiated damage control measures.
In a press conference held today at Skull Island, the secret international headquarters of the medical establishment, Maximus VII announced that "We've been concerned about the mounting evidence supporting the legitimacy of non-conventional therapies such as Therapeutic Touch and Prayer in the treatment of pretty much every possible illness so a contingency plan to deal with a study such as this has been in place for a while."
Maximus went on to reveal that starting today conventional medical doctors will be pulling out of the healthcare business in order to focus purely on more lucrative endeavors. "The chiropractors, faith healers and quantum healers pretty much have things under control now so we are going to put all our efforts on providing quality pharmaceutical options for flaccid bald men and wrinkled soccer moms."
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